Blurry eyed and disoriented I tried to understand what was going on as my father woke me from the realm of sleep. Blinking and annoyed, like any other high school senior on break would be, I tried to understand why my father would wake me. My ears however heard my father’s next line of words fine, “Jim’s dead” he said. My mind still riddled with the disorientation of sleep could only answer “What?” Thus started a rather unhappy New Year’s Eve day.

Jim’s funeral happened later the next week. It had been a hard few days to witness as I saw my parents, Jim’s widow Barb, and many other of his friends start the long mourning process. Unnoticed, whether I wished myself emotionally strong or just denying myself pity, I too started to mourn Jim. The funeral was both a dreary yet joyful occasion as the people closes to Jim spoke of him with teary goodbyes and joys memories. Yet oddly I felt as if there was a form of silence. I do not mean in the literal sense as many loud, verbose, yet good people spoke, as was the company Jim kept. I do not believe I noticed it that day, for many of my emotions came forth and forced me to realize them. No this silence came about due to the lack of impute from people I knew were close to Jim. I do not feel I should name them so I shall simply refer to them as those who left as it would be easier for me.

Those who left did so roughly two years before Jim died, and the matter that they left over has become important to me since then. The matter as I’m sure you’re wondering was that our church, Heartsong’s pastor witnessed a need and filled it. The need came from Heartsong’s new neighbors, the Memphis Islamic Center (MIC). MIC had recently purchased land down the road from Heartsong, however they did not have the money to build a Mosque. Ramadan was fast approaching and they needed a place that they could come and pray together for this holiday. They turned to Heartsong and asked if we had a place that they could use for prayer. As stated or pastor said yes and allowed the people of MIC to worship within our church. You more than likely have guessed that those who left did so over this matter.

To my knowledge those who left did not confide in anyone that they did not enjoy the fact that our church was letting MIC use the building. In fact one could say those who left slinked away, separating themselves from Heartsong church and the group they shared with my parents. This type of group, called a small group, was something that our church promoted as a way for the members to help each other get closer to God. The one in which those who left, my parents, Jim and Barb and a few others shared had developed into a tight friendship. The small group committed to a deeper relationship through a covenant and emersion. It was not soon after this that those who left slunk away.

To me however this was a group of adults that I saw as some of the coolest people in the world. I did not have a large amount of friends since we had arrived from Ohio. Yes I’m a northerner, and the people of my parent’s small group helped lighten that burden for me. As such I developed a deeper relationship with those who left then most of the other people I saw as my friends. This relationship grew for me and my parents as we seemed to get together with those who left more so than anyone else out of my parent’s small group. This is why when those who left did so it affected we who remained at Heartsong so much more.

With all of that history, and the silence at the funeral, the relationship between Heartsong and MIC worked to the forefront of my mind. I began to wrestle with why people could not see how such a relationship was a good thing. I could understand that they had problems with allowing MIC to use the church as a place to pray. But to be so engrossed in an idea that such a thing could never be allowed, under any circumstance, was something I have never felt I had the level of religious knowledge to truly grapple with. I found myself then at an impasse, I could allow myself to become consumed with such issues, or embrace what I saw as a good thing. This question took me some time to answer within myself but in the end I found that the relationship between Heartsong and MIC showed itself to be more of a blessing than anything else

Though I can look back and state all of these things, the boy at the funeral was not so privileged. I could only experience the emotions I felt for my friend Jim and try to figure out why I felt as If something wasn't right with how the world works. Like most funeral goers, I cried, like a man, well not really, I have no desire to say that I was unaffected by the passing of Jim. After those who left slinked away, I became closer to Jim and Barb. I saw them as strong and open to what new things they could learn from the friendship with MIC. I witnessed and learned to respect those who deal with problems that they have by talking and trying to resolve them. After Jim’s death I did my best to open my eyes to the world and observe and take in what it has to show me. Though I did not fully learn that I desired to see more relationships like MIC and Heartsong’s until Jim’s passing, the lack of ability to try image such things that I saw in those who left made me realize that I did not desire to become like them.